this is where i dump text logs from me rambling to friends over discord and badly format them to html!
i can't even remember what most of these are about but i decided to dump them here because why not!
Cris — 09/20/2023 1:55 PM this video is opening my eyes so goddamn much please watch it https://youtu.be/4BvlBoZsV_I?si=Tw94iQPC4J4whRMk YouTube LocalScriptMan The Key to Writing Criminally Good Relationships | Video Essay Image fun fact: talking about healthy and unhealthy relationships and what causes them applies to both writing and real life!!! also every relationship romantic or otherwise needs some sort of mutual benefit to make sense which is interesting name any two characters who are friends or are working together and consider what they each individually gain from the relationship i thought about one piece since i was watching it earlier and every crew member has some mutual benefit with luffy from joining his crew everyone does something that helps luffy become king of the porates and joining luffy’s crew always helps the person joining pursue their own life goal somehow so far the only exception i see is usopp. usopp just wanted to be a pirate and doesn’t really help luffy at all aside from comic relief Cris — 09/20/2023 2:02 PM his life goal was literally just to become a pirate and his skill set includes absolutely nothing but he’s comic relief so who cares really also basically this video taught me about anxious vs avoidant attachment and how both are unhealthy and you want to be close to the middle but also that they attract each other [editors note: redacted] Cris — 09/20/2023 2:10 PM anyways i need to re-analyze every relationship i see and figure out if each person is more anxious or avoidant because i think a lot of relationships can really by boiled to JUST that at the very core and helps you understand them a lot more also to boil them down i think they’re like anxious attachment = i NEED attachment and constant attention avoidant attachment = i need to AVOID attachment and my emotions Cris — 09/20/2023 3:01 PM naruto is all about striving towards and working to become the best one piece is the same but you can’t do it without your friends and also your friends have goals and you’ll help them complete them in return dragon ball is uh. i guess sorta the same but also only if you’re an alien/genetically predisposed to be the best which kinda muddles the point actually naruto is also about fashion everyone’s got cool outfits and distinct personalities/abilities and i think that’s worth something actually fashion is the wrong word maybe i should say individualism or something Cris — 09/20/2023 3:09 PM which is actually a completely reasonable moral for a story to have dragon ball don’t really got that one piece do though actually i’ll mention it again that dragon ball is so fucking hypermasculine which is something i don’t particularly agree with but somehow doesn’t detract from it to me maybe i should watch attack on titan and see if the authoritarianism detracts from it to me a lot of people say it doesn’t i was going to say they should make dragon ball z but about girl power and then i remembered sailor moon already exists i should publish these text dumps somewhere maybe a secret page on my neocities if you’re reading this on my neocities then hi! i’ll probably directly copy it
Cris — 09/21/2023 2:54 PM the bible is SO much cooler if you think of it as a shonen anime Cris — 09/21/2023 3:18 PM stories are so fucking complex there are so many layers to everything and symbolism based on culture based on older stories every element in a story has an origin in another story most of the time at least why do angels have wings? because they had to fly between heaven and earth why does (insert character with wings inspired by angels) have wings? because angels did and the layers just get more and more complex until you end up with sonichu or homestuck the color PURPLE has deep symbolism that ultimately stemmed from the fact that purple dye was hard to get a long time ago purple uncommon in nature > purple dye hard to get > only rich people had purple dye > purple becomes associated with corruption and evil purple is also associated with like the occult and witches and stuff too which probably ALSO stems from purple being uncommon in nature Cris — 09/21/2023 4:30 PM is larry the lobster a good character does he have a character arc? does he affect other characters arcs? does he have a meaningful relationship with any other characters? i guess you can only ask these questions in relation to when he appears since spongebob is an episodic series i don’t think he has any internal goals or struggles but he probably affects the protagonist maybe his goal is just to be strong and/or popular i guess but if that’s the case it’s something he experienced in the past which makes him more of a mentor character which makes sense i haven’t heard anyone else talk about it but i continue to run into the concept of a “mentor” a character who’s arc has happened in the past is a mentor because they influence characters whose arcs are happening now
Cris — Today at 11:26 AM we need to bring back angst i’m sick of all this stoic ryan gosling bullshit what happened to all the sasuke kinnies being all stoic and shit isn’t making any CHANGE happen i was going to ask why people stopped making anime amvs and then i remembered phonk edits exist Cris — Today at 1:19 PM dbz reminds me of the bible Cris — Today at 1:39 PM interesting shit https://youtu.be/tzLS4O7YaUg?si=_dzkyzGyv55u543g YouTube Redeemed Zoomer All Christian denominations explained in 12 minutes Image apparently scientology has some denominations too which is interesting but i can’t find much info on them. i started blocking every ad i see so now i’m getting ads telling me i’m in the matrix and now i’m trying to look into it and apparently it has to do with the cia??? alpha biomatrix Cris — Today at 1:46 PM i’ve gotta look into that later also apparently religious ads are all categorized as “music and audio” which is interesting i guess it makes sense most people like music and it isn’t as blatantly wrong as listing it under like food would be also the matrix ad was apparently listed under an alternative medicine category so i told youtube i want more of those where the fuck am i https://youtu.be/p512SiP60XQ?si=Mhb-zlY5r2ZuXbny YouTube Astral Beginnings The Gateway Experience CIA Tapes Part 3 (Advanced Focus 10) Image Cris — Today at 1:50 PM nevermind i just got one under real estate this is just what existing is WHY DOES THIS GUY LOOK LIKE SEPHIROTH https://youtu.be/RIMp-cv1wXs?si=KXeBqQ8_mL1gR1EN YouTube MorgueOfficial Declassified CIA Document REVEALS YOU ARE GOD | The Gateway Process... Image Cris — Today at 1:58 PM okay so this is just like astral projection but the cia invented it wow i don’t believe in this but to me it’s more believable than christianity consciousness and the brain are some wacky shit but i genuinely believe it’s all just the result of inconceivable chance but the brain really is some wacky shit i guess it’s not directly related to the astral projection/escaping the matrix this video is talking about but it reminds me of dreaming in a way dreaming is genuinely some fucking insane shit your consciousness blends with your subconsciousness your reality becomes anything that you can imagine but it’s hard to control lucid dreaming is probably the closest you can get to becoming god actually that’s what i believe Cris — Today at 2:06 PM you escape the physical reality that your brain and body create through perception and go to a world that is in a way just as real to your brain and if you train yourself mentally you can control it maybe the daily schedule of the world is just a way to prevent you from staying up for 3 days straight and becoming tired enough to sleep and dream long enough to become god you know i wonder if one day we will be able to wire our brains to computers and give our subconscious more processing power imagine plugging yourself into a supercomputer to dream harder well, i guess if you did that you really WOULD be living in a simulation like some people might believe maybe i should believe that it is pretty plausible actually although actually i still don’t believe it for a few reasons would the world outside our world be even more detailed? if we’re in a simulation our entire universe must be only a fraction of the world outside us and would we have had to wipe our memory to start from a blank slate baby? and why would our simulation be so cruel? Cris — Today at 2:13 PM then again, why wouldn’t it? maybe it’s just a cruel story, like the ones we sometimes tell or maybe it’s like in the movie ‘the matrix’ where our minds rejected any reality that was too perfect we’ll probably never know Cris — Today at 3:09 PM can you consent to emotional manipulation
Cris — Today at 2:16 PM i’m looking into some crazy shit right now. wait. oh god. i’m viva-ing. Jaine — Today at 2:17 PM What? Cris — Today at 2:17 PM what if reality is a hologram. Jaine — Today at 2:17 PM No. Cris — Today at 2:18 PM but the cia discovered astral projection!!! Jaine — Today at 2:18 PM WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? Cris — Today at 2:18 PM https://youtu.be/RIMp-cv1wXs?si=EJsiOX-wWMESrr83 YouTube MorgueOfficial Declassified CIA Document REVEALS YOU ARE GOD | The Gateway Process... Image so, uh, let me start from the beginning i guess. i mean, i guess the beginning isn’t really related, but i want to start here anyways. so i’ve been looking into the bible recently… Jaine — Today at 2:20 PM I am not ready for the crispiracy arc. Cris — Today at 2:20 PM hear me out!!!!! so like. Jaine — Today at 2:20 PM Okay. Sure. Cris — Today at 2:20 PM i want to start off by saying i don’t actually believe in any of this shit. Jaine — Today at 2:20 PM OH THANK GOD. Cris — Today at 2:21 PM but… Jaine — Today at 2:21 PM BUT??? Cris — Today at 2:21 PM angels are fucking interesting. Jaine — Today at 2:21 PM That's true. Cris — Today at 2:21 PM like, the mythology shit is really interesting to me. and like, i guess analyzing it from a (i can’t remember the word but like… story-ical) perspective. like why were angels invented? what do they symbolize? anyways uhh i guess i never really figured that out specifically but i mean, like, the bible as a whole is interesting. angels are part of the bible, the bible is part of christianity, and christianity exists because people wanted to believe in a reason the universe exists. (personally i’d say it just exists for no reason… we’re just lucky) but like, back to angels, i was wondering why they have wings. and the reason is that they had to be able to come and go to and from heaven, which is above the earth, so of course they have wings. so like, what does that say about what wings symbolize? Jaine — Today at 2:27 PM Wings symbolize bodily autonomy. Cris — Today at 2:27 PM well, i guess i want to boil down things to having concrete symbolism in a story (or by extension character design), but the truth is they symbolize whatever the writer wants them to whenever they use them in a story. Cris — Today at 2:27 PM so yeah, they definitely could! but they could also represent holiness. or as a broader version of what you said, freedom. but, they don’t always have to! symbolism isn’t concrete. which i guess makes my dumb analytical little brain a little upset because i can’t write out any kind of concrete encyclopedia of what different things symbolize. like, fire. does it symbolize life, or death? rebirth? change? it can mean any of those things depending on how the writer of a story wants to use it. and as such can be totally interchangeable at times. why symbolize death with fire when you could symbolize it with water? well, i guess that’s a bad example. water brings life. but fire both destroys life and represents it. i guess life destroys life too if you think about it… unrelated i suppose, but on the topic of symbolism. the sun and the moon. the sun brings life and burns bright and hot, while the moon does not, and is cold and motionless, like death. that i can say concretely. anyways uhhh, where was i, angels? Cris — Today at 2:35 PM okay not going to lie, looking into angelology stemmed from wanting to know what “archangel” could really mean. and like, symbolize. also just, angels are cool? wings and eyes and wheels and shit… inspiring… anyways uh, TOTALLY unrelated to all that is the “reality is a hologram bullshit” i just started looking into over the past hour. i mean, i’ve very briefly thought about it, but looking into it today just stemmed from an ad i got for “alpha biomatrix”. ai voice telling me i’m living in a simulation, but trying to look up the name on youtube (the same place i got the ad) is only bringing up like one result i’m not even fully convinced is connected. oh speaking of ads, uh, the reason i got it is because i’ve started manually blocking every ad i see. the most frustrating thing about ads is honestly the repetition, anyway. oh, also that “alpha biomatrix” thing is the rabbit hole that lead me to the video i sent you. which is sorta related to like psychological philosophical bullshit about reality being constructed by your perception, which is something i’ve briefly thought about before but never cared too much about. but like, it got me thinking about dreams again. dreams really are another world you can put your consciousness into. that, i fully believe. Cris — Today at 2:42 PM your consciousness and subconsciousness merging when you dream is something genuinely crazy that i believe in and have personally experienced. like, the brain is some CRAZY shit you know? and dreams are really where it’s most interesting to me. you can literally experience an entire reality separate from the physical world, and even train your mind to control it. that’s fucking wild. and by experience, i mean EXPERIENCE. your consciousness is experiencing it directly. that shit is in a weird way, just as real as the physical world. and THAT’S fucking interesting. and that intrigue is really well reflected in fiction. fiction about dreams, or based on dreams… hell, just the surreal quality of those things is intriguing. and like, the psychological aspect of dreams, not just being another reality, but one constructed from your subconsciousness??? that’s crazy. i don’t believe that dreams are always representing something you’re repressing, but they can. dreams are just based on the subconsciousness, which is just a messy soup of everything you think about. it doesn’t have to reflect something meaningful, but it absolutely can. Cris — Today at 2:54 PM i don’t think explained this but since i’m blocking ads i’m getting all the weird ones now. like i also got one about this shit which is probably some strange mix of pseudoscience and emotional manipulation?? Image like. this is fucked up. my phone’s low now but i guess i have to look into this later? just out of like morbid curiosity and to avoid being emotionally manipulated i guess?
jaine are you there i need you to decide something for me. Jaine — 09/27/2023 10:22 AM Hm? Cris — 09/27/2023 10:38 AM BLE, TRI, SD or RK? Jaine — 09/27/2023 10:38 AM TRI. Cris — 09/27/2023 10:38 AM trigun it is. Jaine — 09/27/2023 10:39 AM That sounds epic. It's like three guns. Cris — 09/27/2023 10:39 AM i’ll have to watch it and find out!! Cris — 09/27/2023 10:46 AM ohoho i’m 7 minutes in and already loving this. unfortunately the protagonist only seems to have one gun… that shoots one bullet… so far. Jaine — 09/27/2023 10:47 AM Boo. https://open.spotify.com/track/3oRMeMMJ1xUhBBpy2iGE2g?si=fe43028c742a4504 Also, did you know this is a banger? Jaine — 09/27/2023 10:59 AM I drew Konata yesterday. Cris — 09/27/2023 11:03 AM okay. so. one episode down. this is a 9/10. i don’t give stuff a 9 right off the bat very often, but this has everything i love. Jaine — 09/27/2023 11:05 AM Daaamn. Cris — 09/27/2023 11:06 AM 90s artstyle? check. space cowboys? check. actually really funny? check. girls being badass and not just sexualized? check. and that’s just the FIRST episode!!! and it’s only 26 episodes, so it won’t be dragged out for forever or end way too quickly!! Jaine — 09/27/2023 11:08 AM TRUEEE! Cris — 09/27/2023 11:08 AM i could rant about how cool space cowboys are actually, and by can i mean will. cowboys are cool. aside from the like, “manifest destiny” stuff, which was really uncool. Jaine — 09/27/2023 11:13 AM What's wrong with manifesting? I do it all the time. Right now I'm manifesting my own success. Cowboys are really cool though, I will agree. Cris — 09/27/2023 11:14 AM but like, the idea of a frontier is really cool! and america was kinda the last one of those (until the internet happened, if you count that as one, which i would). so uh, space! Jaine — 09/27/2023 11:14 AM Manifest galaxy. Cris — 09/27/2023 11:14 AM space is a frontier! not really comparable in real life, but fiction? ohhh boy can you have some fun with that. Jaine — 09/27/2023 11:15 AM You can have wild looking alien bitches. Cris — 09/27/2023 11:15 AM that too!! i’m losing my focus on what i was saying now but, cowboy bebop and trigun (so far) are both really cool. because space cowboys are really cool. like, down to a conceptual level even. even though they’re both really more about bounty hunters than cowboys? Jaine — 09/27/2023 11:16 AM They've got overlap. Cris — 09/27/2023 11:17 AM bounty hunters are cool because they’re a decentralized form of law enforcement. (i don’t really know what i’m saying but, yknow?) anyways i’m gonna go back to watching trigun now. also i might put this conversation onto a secret page on my neocities later. because it’s mostly me rambling. Jaine — 09/27/2023 11:21 AM Yeag, okay. :3 Cris — 09/27/2023 11:22 AM i should probably go back and redact parts of some of the stuff on that (this) page though. yes i am talking to both you (jaine) and the reader (possibly also jaine, at a later point in time). this part’s going on the page too. —END LOG—
i should make a list of cool things i’d want to put in a story. space cowboys the ultimate lifeform women who are important and aren’t sexualised something gay probably y2k robots maybe? anti-capitalist undertones now i’ve got to figure out how to cook these into a story… #3 sounds like a low bar but apparently it’s not!! Cris — 09/27/2023 11:56 AM timeline: mostly follows real life until about 1993 the internet never goes mainstream dvds exist but tapes remain dominant the millenium bug kinda happens but not really? gaming still exists but doesn’t get as big for some reason (notable mentions: pokemon, earthbound 64, sonic adventure 2) ??? space travel is significantly better than real life and goes mainstream in the 2050s the story takes place in the 2090s some space military group that split off from the us government is doing cia-ass experiments like mkultra to make the ultimate lifeform all girls group of space cowboy bounty hunters gets caught up in it somehow of course one of them is trans Cris — 09/27/2023 12:24 PM damn it i hate worldbuilding actually you can’t build a world it’s too fucking big you can’t have real life influence your fictional world because if you want to make an in-universe reference to shadow the hedgehog then sonic adventure 2 has to exist and if sonic adventure 2 existed why the fuck would they still be using vhs tapes in the future also just if ANYTHING from the real world past 1993 exists why doesn’t the internet??? actually cowboy bebop had the internet and said vhs tapes were just for weirdo collectors but like bubblegum crisis has fucking human-passing robots and they still used fucking fax machines also fuck language etymology ruins worldbuilding shrek said hell so the bible has to exist in the shrek universe or just like actual hell maybe? Cris — 09/27/2023 12:31 PM donkey mentioned parfait so france has to fucking exist???
i’m watching sailor moon and slowly realizing the phantom thieves were just sailor scouts they both got a goddamn talking cat telling them what to do and how they have to save the world sailor moon is kinda upsetting they keep calling out usagi for doing things i would do oh god usagi is the ryuji of this group japan has a thing for making blonde people dumb doesn’t it this feels like a very recurring thing Pizzi — Today at 10:19 AM isnt that also a thing here Cris — Today at 10:19 AM true but they ALSO do it in japan Cris — Today at 10:23 AM they just keep on yelling at usagi for doing anything fun or not being able to handle the responsibility that was literally forced upon her they’re definitely trying to push a message “if you do anything fun you’re wasting time” and “suck it up and just deal with whatever the world forces onto you” Pizzi — Today at 10:28 AM when life gives you lemon Cris — Today at 10:28 AM no it doesn’t come off as “make lemonade” it comes off as like lord forgive me for saying this but “wagecuck” but like the japan work ethic equivalent that drives people to suicide Cris — Today at 10:39 AM i’m 11 episodes in and every single character has been angry at usagi and not one character has been angry at anyone OTHER than usagi oh right she’s literally ryuji japanese people just really hate blonde people specially i swear Cris — Today at 10:47 AM like america still has the stereotype that they’re dumb but we’re not constantly mean to them japan just really hates dumb people Cris — Today at 11:38 AM i didn’t say it yesterday but the solution is obviously just to not do this [editor's note: referring to 09/27/2023 (1)] don’t make an in depth world if you want a desert planet where everyone uses vhs tapes and laser guns and the internet doesn’t exist just DO THAT when the hell would i even show the history of the world to the audience well i wouldn’t i would tell them and if i should be showing instead of telling then i shouldn’t tell at all yknow actually i think it’s just that fallout lore corrupted my brain fallout lore has like actual events with historical dates in a timeline that is split off from our own and i DON’T need to fucking do that bubblegum crisis has KILLER ROBOTS and FAX MACHINES and not ONCE has that made me think it’s poorly written if i want interplanetary travel and vhs tapes i should just fucking do that i don’t need to explain why nobody needs to care about fax machines in bubblegum crisis or vhs tapes in my story anyways i need to watch star wars don’t i how the fuck can i write a space fantasy without seeing it Cris — Today at 11:45 AM that’d be like writing a shonen anime without seeing dbz or naruto i’m rewriting my list of things i want to see in a story space cowboys the ultimate lifeform women who aren’t sexualised y2k tech anti-capitalism you’re going to be TRANS and IN SPACE and using WINDOWS 98 and fighting a GOVERNMENT EXPERIMENT GONE WRONG and i will NOT explain how it got that way Cris — Today at 1:47 PM okay over the past two hours this vague set of ideas has developed into an actual plan for a story it keeps on writing itself before i couldn’t come up with a main character, or conflict, or theme, or idea, but now i’ve started piecing together all the parts of other stories i love and it’s all coming together into its own thing. Cris — Today at 3:41 PM i need to turn uno into yugioh